VOLCANO

So i've noticed lately that I tend to constantly drift off into my own imagination where I create dances, create beauty, and create magic. I drift off to a place that I can only wish to be real. Today at work I managed to sit there for atleast an hour creating an entire dance music video in the mechanics working bay and in the rain. In my mind, it was beautiful, if only I could convey those images onto something that others could see, or if I could actually phyically create it.

It makes me wish that in school I had done Media, or that my future could involve something such as this. Although my path is set and unfortunatly I have to put the idea of dancing in my future, however painfully, behind me.

Fourteen years of incorporating something I so completely dearly loved into every part of my day is coming to an end. I wish that I could somehow create a future out of this, do something that people could look at and say, I knew her, I'm proud of her. I guess I can just hope for this in my other love, writing.

However, it seems that this path is also dim and unlikely.
But I can wish, I can dream.

I plan on spending the next ten years of my life, however poor it may make me, living the life i've dreamed, or atleast chasing my dreams

I guess after I've done that I can begin to be sensible. Or atleast... have some sense, if not, I know I will have lived happy and with no regrets. Regrets are for those who are too afraid to follow their dreams, or for those inable to understand that everything happens for a reason and the places we are led to, are those that our souls should much appreciate, and learn from.

So here's a little toast;

To life, to living, to no longer being afraid and following dreams.

I hope you'll still follow me and I gallavant around the world creating havoc :)

C;x

WE ARE WHO WE ARE

My little countdown on my computer tells me that I'm leaving the country in 18 days! I'm extremely excited that for three weeks I get to explore the world but then I know I'm going to miss my friends here dearly. I know three weeks is a short space of time, however it will seem like so much more when I'll never get the chance to talk to them, time difference meaning that when I wake they're sleeping, vise versa.

My plan of 100 books for the summer is starting off rather slow although I'm already half way through this monster of a book I'm reading at the moment. I'll just have to read much much more often to complete the goal :)



Off to immerse myself in a world of books, where I don't have to think and remember how much I'm going to miss people next year. And how afraid I am that they'll forget me. But life moves on, and I'll always cherish the memories in my mind, and wont let go of the amazing things I never want to forget.
I love so many people; what they've done for me, what they've done with me, and how they've changed me.

They will always, always, be in my heart, no matter where I end up.

C;x

WHAT'S MY NAME

Well this has been a fairly hectic week but it's all coming to a close.
Sunday afternoon laziness in store for me now, I can cuddle up in a corner with my morning coffee and new book! Took me two months to get it because of exams and such but I finally have spare time! And I finally have the ability to read for pleasure rather then reading for school. So I plan to read at least 100 books over this summer and I shall name them all here. Although now I'm working it might be a bit hard but I'm sure that over 40 hours on planes will sort that out.

Speaking of, I shall soon be venturing off to the wonderful, beautiful, peaceful land of Canada to see some family for Christmas. Shall be amazing! As everything else is right now. Perfection seems to just erupt into life as school finishes. I can't believe I forgot how good life could be and that I let school bring me down.
:) Yay for life :)

I'm off to read no.1 book for the Summer,

1. The Desert Spear - Peter. V. Brett (2nd in a series)
Happy reading and summer loving,

C;x

DREAMWORLD

So last night I went to see the absolutely amazing new Harry Potter!!

We had a two day marathon of all the previous movies before and then went lining up at 10.30 even though it was a midnight screening. And it was absolutely worth it. The movie stuck to the book so well and was just.. amazing. Could have been becuase it was so early in the morning everything seems so much more or it could just be that Harry Potter is completely epic.

My life is complete. For now.. until the next one comes out. Ah I'm so excited! I dont have words for it.

So i'm just going to sit here in my little speechlessness and ponder the amazingness. And probably go and see the movie again multiple times.

While going and setting up for my art exhibition (eee) and an afternoon of wandering shops and op shops. Yay for freedom :)

C;x

GHOSTS N' STUFF

FREEDOM!

look out world, here I come

thats all :)

C;x

ONLY GIRL

I love how some songs can manage to depict everything we are feeling through our soul and the words enter our ears. Perhaps, we are simply converting the words into a meaning that suits our current situation, as we find ourselves doing so often with horoscopes, or perhaps we simply feel so much as females that any song could parallel with our lives in some sense or another.

"Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world"

Maybe we all just want to feel loved, and we all just want someone to care for us as much as we dream that we wish we could care for ourselves.

And perhaps, this random use of inclusive language is a strange way of my subconscious trying to seperate myself from these emotions as I'm still afraid of losing someone, of losing the amazing feelings people help us gain. Possibly that's why lately, when things start to feel so brilliant and perfect, something changes and my mind disappears into an abyss where I don't have to remember that very, very soon, this will be taken away from me. However it will be replaced with something amazing, my future. Yet I am still afraid.

Melancholy, I think so. I blame Keat's, well slightly. Such beautiful words, such ominous views on life. But then, that's simply just my viewing of it.

For now, I shall delve into the depths of my own strange mind within sleep. For later, I will work past this bump in my road and evolve, as my little Pokemon do, into a much more beautiful, confident person, understanding and accepting of my own emotions.

C;x

DEATH AND ALL HIS FRIENDS

When you're fears come to be, you either fight them standing strong, or don't fight them at all.
Whichever you choose decides your strength of spirit, and ability to survive this world.

MISGUIDED GHOSTS

So i've spent the last week attempting to update my new ipod, but unfortuatly as all things go technology has the inability to work for me. Or maybe I'm just unlucky. So far I can only upload a few artists as a time, which equats to 100 songs or less. I have around 7000 songs and I'm up to L. Going to be a long weekend.

But on the bright side exams are almost finished. I only have my second methods one and an art exam left, and on the day of the art exam I can bring home my lovely folios! The little things I spent an entire year obsessing over, condensed down into a little number, which I dont find out until Dec 13. It's strange, isn't it, that I've spent 13 years of my life at school, and not only is it coming to and end but it's all being described by a number. A number can hardly compare to what you've had to put in to get to this point, it's as if we should get some sort of credit for just surviving high school and all its dilemmas. I feel slightly... betrayed I guess that I had to go through years of pain while struggling to keep good grades, and all i'll get is a pissy number judged by VCAA and what it feels I deserve based on a few stressfull hours they only spend minutes pondering over.

Where's the justice or fairness in that?

I guess I just have to wait till it's over and then move on to the better world that awaits me. Adelaide here I come, amazing times at St Marks here I come, new life filled with books and creativity, here I come. I can't wait to live this new life :)

C;x